If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I pour the whiskey from now on
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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