My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
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