so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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