watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
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I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
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I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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