Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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