I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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