What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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