so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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