omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize