Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize