somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
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Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
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Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
how does that bad decision feel?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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