Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
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I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
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Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
This is my gift to your gina
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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