I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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