Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
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I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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