well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
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I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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