the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize