Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I pour the whiskey from now on
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize