I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The air was thick with penises
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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