My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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