I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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