So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
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I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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