There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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