Dual....:-)
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize