Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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