First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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