The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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