dude i'm inner monologue high
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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