just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
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I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
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Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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