My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
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