I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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