Joe is yelling at the trees again.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
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Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
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Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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