You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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