oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize