tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
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well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
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I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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