quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize