The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
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Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
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Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize