I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize