I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
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is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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