her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
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Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
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Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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