He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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