this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
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he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
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i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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