Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I need to stop coming to work sober
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
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i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
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My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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