It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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