he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize