Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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