I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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