Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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