things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize