Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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