Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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